absolute “no” list

In order to focus on our own wellbeing and mental health, we actually need to create space, in our busy schedule to invite more time for mental and emotional self-care.

We are all so busy. What can we possibly do to clear our schedule a bit and make time for our mental wellbeing?

Today I wanted to suggest a pretty radical tool – an Absolute No List. This list consists of all the things that you no longer want to do or would like to stop doing in order to honor your values and make space for what truly matters.  

We often complain about lack of time. But how many of us waste time in the day doing things we don’t actually want to do, like watch a show we don’t really enjoy, or do work we could easily delegate to others, or take on an activity we don’t really like just to please somebody else, or redo a task for the 5th time, because it needs to be done perfectly.

In order to focus on true priorities, including our wellbeing and mental health, we need to let go of certain items from our daily to-do list, which no longer serve us.  So let’s examine our typical day and let’s ask ourselves the following questions:

1. What do I hate doing?

2. What activities, tasks, or chores make me feel irritable or frustrated?

3. What would I like someone else to do?

4. If I could hire someone to do something I hate, what would it be? If I could hire someone to do something I do well but should no longer be doing, what would it be?

5. What activities or actions do I feel like I’m tolerating?

6. What tasks are no longer acceptable?

7. What are the things I’d feel guilty about letting go of?*

Here is my challenge for you for this month:

• Get very clear about what you no longer want to do in your life. Spend the next full week paying attention to how you spend your time and identifying what your No’s are.

• Choose 5 items identified during the above exercise and create your Absolute No List. Write them down, post them at your computer and around your house so you see them every day.

• Put your Absolute No List in motion by letting go of at least one activity or task this month and pay attention to how your life changes as a result.

For me, the one thing that takes up a lot of my time is grocery shopping. So this month I will find options for home delivery of groceries (like Instacart) so that I can free up some of my time for other priorities. I also spend a lot of time cooking. And although, as a mother, I feel very guilty if I don’t have a home cooked meal ready, I would like to investigate other ways to fulfill the need to feed my family without such a significant burden on my time.

Let me know what you are discovering as you try the above exercise. It would be fun to share our Absolute No lists.

*The idea and the process for creating an Absolute No list is taken from Cheryl Richardson’s Book “Extreme Self Care”.